Parenting may be simple, but simple never was the same thing as easy. Raising a child is the hardest and most important job any of us will ever do — and the one for which most of us are the least prepared. I don’t recall “Parenting 101” being offered to me in any school at any time. Nor did instructions come with my daughter or my son.

We survived, my children and I, but I could have been a much better mother to them. I know this now. I even knew it then. What I didn’t know was how to be the parent I wanted to be. For one thing, I didn’t understand that to raise a child you have to stop being one. My mistakes bled over all three of us.

I didn’t know Joanne Stern back then either, so I didn’t know it doesn’t have to be that way.

And the book you’re now holding in your hands didn’t exist yet.

My loss.

But not yours.

Joanne Stern not only knows (and can explain) how she successfully raised her daughters — keeping connected with them while still staying one step ahead of them — she knows (and can explain) how you can do it too. Doesn’t matter whether you’re a mother or a father. Whether you’re single or partnered. Whether you’re raising boys or girls or both. Whether it’s one child or many. Joanne understands what you’re going through — and what they’re going through — and how you can all come through it unscarred, stronger, more loving — and cemented together in a relationship built to last.

Yes, Joanne Stern is my friend. She’s also a psychotherapist, mother, and wise woman. She’s a teacher. A leader. A giver of gifts to those of us who need them. And this too is important: What Joanne has to say makes sense.

It also works.

For the last eighteen years I’ve been lucky enough to spend my professional life — as producer, writer, and anchor of Nick News, the most watched children’s news program in television history — listening to other people’s children. The purpose of our series is to give children a voice: About divorce. Child abuse. Bullying. Popularity. Peer pressure. Drugs. Sex. The Internet. Friendship. Feeling different. Being different. Sickness. Death. Loss. About all the issues children and parents can face in an ever-more-complicated world.

I may not have been as good a parent as I wanted to be, but I’m a pretty good journalist, and after so many years of hearing hundreds if not thousands of kids speak their hearts and minds to me, a total stranger, on the tough issues, the ones that tripped me up so when I was raising my daughter and son, I can spot those children whose parents are getting it right.

Their kids stand out. They are caring, courageous, and confident. And open. It’s not that nothing bad ever happens in theirs lives; it’s that they’re more prepared to deal with what may come. And they don’t feel alone. They know — they really and truly know — that their parents (or parent) are on their side. No matter what. Even when the parent says no.

How those parents got so smart was still somewhat of a mystery to me until I read Joanne’s book. She doesn’t make you feel guilty because you’re not the perfect parent. She understands that no parent is perfect. But she knows simple stuff (some of it is even easy, too) that you can do to ensure that the relationship you have with your children gets off on the right foot — and stays on that foot as much as is humanly possible. What’s more, she believes that if it’s broke, it can be fixed.

If I could do it all over again, I would. Too bad none of us ever gets a do-over when it comes to raising our kids. However, with this book, you can get to a new beginning, no matter how old your kids are, or how distant and strained your relationship with them might be. As Joanne says, it’s never too late to start.

Or too early.

My children have sons and daughters of their own now. And I shall make sure my children have copies of this book. They are smarter than I am, my children, but they will still need the help Joanne can offer. Not just for their kids’ sake, but for their own.

And for mine.

Because you never stop being a parent.

Not if you’re lucky.

Excerpted with permission from the book Parenting Is a Contact Sport by Joanne Stern, PhD. ©2009 Joanne Stern.
Published by Greenleaf Book Group Press, ISBN: 978-1-929774-22-7