I grew up in a tiny town in Illinois and was part of a cozy, loving family. But when I became an adolescent, my world closed in on me because I didn’t feel comfortable sharing my feelings, my questions or my curiosities with my family or my friends. Then I went to Northwestern University, where I experienced first hand what it felt like to be a fish out of water. I was truly a naïve, small-town girl floundering to find my identity among my sophisticated peers. I still remember what it felt like to not fit in, to be the odd one out—and to struggle alone, not having anyone to talk with me about my problems. 

A bachelor’s and master’s degree later, I began working with kids and parents in my first career as a German teacher and advisor to groups of high school girls in the northern suburbs of Chicago. For the five years that I taught, I spent a great deal of time talking with students about their personal struggles: school, friends, family—even health problems and death. I guess I’ve long been attuned to the difficult emotional issues kids deal with. Little did I know how it would shape my career.

When I decided I was ready for a different adventure in life, I packed up my car and drove to Aspen, Colorado. After a year of waitressing and skiing, I married the man who became the father of my two children, and Aspen became my home. When my daughters were still very young, I went back to graduate school for a double master’s in theology and counseling psychology. I found that both subjects were intricately connected because both influence how we live our lives—what we believe, how we treat others, how we feel about ourselves.

By the time I finished school, I was divorced, and I found myself swirling in the whitewater of single parenting, juggling work and kids. I began my psychotherapy work at the local counseling center, and then went into private practice. Throughout my career as a therapist, I have specialized in relationship issues, drugs and alcohol, eating disorders, and grief and loss because these are the issues that seem to be the most painful for both adults and kids to deal with. 

Soon after my divorce, I went back to school to begin work on my PhD. Life got really busy then, as I was trying to fit in soccer games, clients and dissertation! And I met Terry Hale (a dentist and father of three sons), who became my husband and a father figure for my two daughters.

Several years ago, after my girls were through college and working in other cities, Terry and I decided to move to Puerto Vallarta, Mexico to experience another life adventure. We loved the personal enrichment of living in another culture. But I missed the work that had always been most gratifying for me: helping people with their personal problems.

It was in Mexico that the seeds for my book, Parenting Is a Contact Sport began to grow. I had always believed that parenting was the most important job I’d ever had—the most important job any parent has—because the way we deal with our kids affects their lives so dramatically. And I wanted my two grown daughters to understand more fully why I had decided to build a close relationship with them while they were growing up. So I began to take notes and to recall stories about my kids and also my psychotherapy clients that illustrated my parenting theory of staying connected with your kids at every phase of their lives.

When we moved back to Aspen and I started writing the book, I began to realize how what came up in my family also came up in other families—we all go through such similar things with our kids, and we’re all pretty much the same down deep inside. I was excited to share, not only with my own kids, but with other parents, too, what I had learned from my experience as a mom and a psychotherapist. 

Writing the book has been one of the most challenging and rewarding journeys I’ve ever taken, and it has been a privilege to write and speak about parenting. I sincerely hope that my book will resonate with you and will be helpful to you and your family.